I will never be the girl you would like me to be. I shall forever disappoint you. I won’t take part in rituals feminine. I won’t be part of a set, a group, a gang.
My clothes will never quite follow fashion and will either show much or not enough or be too colourful or without joy.
My face will not follow any guidelines. My brows will have autonomy and my lips will be far too sensous to be polite.
My body will not be to your liking, and my life’s pursuit will not be to appear in a certain measure of conventional beauty. I have a beautiful mind and it never lets me down, but it will one day.
My speech will not be respectful. I will call out stupidity, hypocracies, bigotry, selfishness, jealousies and I will tear each veil of make believe you build around you. Why would yoi want to talk to me? I can see right through you to the emptiness behind.
I will not bow down. Not to any deity. Not to any God. Not to any beloved city. Not to any political ideology. Not to any political party or persona. I will not worship anyone. I do not need to worship anyone. I am God enough for my life. I am educated enough to fully function on a path aiming to be moral or just or uncorrupt.
I will not celebrate festivals. I will not parade or preen over a fortnight in raiments new and prejudices old. I will not disguise gluttony as fellowship or the vestiges of lost glory as culture. I will not allow the waste of obscene amounts of much needed moneys to decorate my ego in shapes various littering a city. I will not etch graffiti on a road and call it art. I will not photograph or coo over said pieces of junk. I will not be one of the crowd of blind sheep.
I will not indulge in this vacant fantasy. I will not pretend to worship a goddess while teaching my own children how to fit into a mould regressive. I will not justify patriarchy as harmless fun or dressing up or sisterhood or culture or any other excuse. Call it what it is. Pure undiluted shit.
I will not pray to any deity, idol, God, Goddess, or to any being supernatural without form. I will not subject myself to a fantasy that I am incapable enough to require either a prayer or divine interference. I was born of the flesh and my hands and feet and my eyes and ears and mouth shall work tirelessly to make my life what I desire it to be. My act of devotion should be my service and my ability to work hard to contribute to something more than self serving greed.
Your age pr your relationship to me or your social stature or your entitlement in any other way will not diminish what I think of you or indeed how I choose to speak to you. You have been warned.
I will not perish if I stand apart. Strength of my convictions and the strength of my indomitable will shall ensure those that hold me back fall apart like dead leaves while I evergreen shall flourish.
I do not need a man to justify my presence. I will earn my own way and I will not be forced into binary choices. Nor will I fixate on childbirth or child rearing as my mission in life. My life is greater than the sum total of who is in it and who is missing. I am more than a birthing canal or a legal affirmation of a relationship.
I am not plagued by thoughts of the afterlife, of sins, of heaven and hell, of meeting my maker. I have my share of human failings and human misery. I have my ability to cope, learn, and emerge transformed by experiences human. I will not need a God or your pity. I understand the cycle of life and inevitable death and I don’t need a spiritual lullaby.
I will not be the person you would like me to be, because I am quite content just being me.
Written for the accusations I have really changed and I am apparently just so rude. Well noone asks you to stay in my orbit – be free and walk on.
The Empress Journals 