Papa’s Terror

I have quite forgotten

How difficult it is

To pen words

To put into neatly arranged letters

Sans punctuation

The story of my little life

My life before the storm

It has been far too long

Now I seem to be a broken clock

Defunct calender with only one month

One torn page with a date dark circled

Hours and days that traipsed into years

No I have quite forgotten

My life before the storm

Let me try and remember

Some of the days… some laughter

Let me sieve through horrid tears

Let only the gold surface as I pan through memorydregs

I see a long forgotten face

Sausage fingers

And a smile that often said

“I see you now, Papa’s Terror”

When I broke the television (in a rage)

Or sent a telegram to the King (no reply yet)

When I lay awake hunting vampires

You carried ever my one jar of pickled garlic

(One jar is quite enough)

All my scraped knees

My various spells of casually broken bones

My unhappiness and my strong fierce aspirations

You treasured each

Like a jeweller values pigeon blood rubies

I have quite forgotten

What it feels like to be loved

To be an equal nay to be one above

Regardless of who begot whom

To be an ally, nay to be a refuge

To have someone watch over me

Hold my hand in the dark

In the dark of life

And unlit rooms

To have that one spark of courage

To defeat the hate that daily me met

I have quite forgotten

How you saved my life

Countless times

From the labour ward

To the burning room

To the scars she happily bestowed

You my terrible clumsy saviour

And I your royal terror

You must be happy now

For I have quite forgotten

The days and hours

Since we last bid goodbye

Oh Botheration

What an awful inconvenience… death

Robs me of one last chance

To argue… slam doors

To knock down your chess pieces in violent glee

To smash your best crystal (because only I can)

To uptip a manicured existence

To feel my feet rooted and my wings soar

Until we meet again Papa

I shall continue our story

Each year awkwardly retold

You get to keep the thorns

I shall mind your roses

And so

Another year passes

And I shall live on